Sorry for the Delay

     When I started this blog, I had every intention of writing one every day, if not that at least every week. Well obviously that did not happen and I hope to not have a relapse of such forgetfulness again.
So this one is going to be a little long:

Part 1. The Update
     My life in the past month has been super busy, just like everyone else.  Between midterms, preparing for spring break, production work, and everything else, I've been running some long hours.  But things are going well and I would rather be busy than bored, right?! 
     Also I should mention, I have given up soda and cursing for lent.  Not because I think cursing is a sin, just a habit I'm not great with, and guess which one is harder to deal with. 
     I also went on an amazing spring break trip to North Carolina and got to experience some things I never thought I would get to see, it was awesome, and it definitely re-infected me with the travel bug, so hopefully more trips will be in the future.

Part 2: The REAL Post
     I can safely say that this week, has been one of the worst, but most important I've had in a long time.  Why might you ask?  I in the course of this week, have watched 3 long term relationships end, seen 3 friends truly hurt by it, and I myself was victim of romantic downfall.  No, you're not going to get all the juicy details, sorry readers, somethings are still sacred.
     So what's the point of posting if I'm not going to tell you something worth hearing, right?  Well I'm glad you asked.  The point is what I've learned, and what I WILL share.  I have learned this, you are far wiser, far more important, and far more loved than you ever can give yourself credit for.  And the thing is, it is not in ways that you ever think it to be.  The other person entangled in my situation, is one of my best friends now, but it definitely effected me in a very powerful way, and so I've had to take steps to ensure that this person and I can remain friends.  It's complicated, it's difficult, and I'm sure some of you may think it's unnecessary, but I have learned one thing in all of my 19 years, which are few but interesting, you will NEVER get through this life on your own.  So do not close out the people who may have hurt you, at least not always.  There are times that cutting away from them entirely is the only way you are going to survive, and in those instances I completely agree, run, get out, before it's too late.  But there are other times when you will learn that the relationship you have with the person who may have you hurt you, is more important than you realized, and that yes they hurt you, but it doesn't make them evil, it makes them just as misguided as you were.  So grow from that hurt, if you need to cut ties, do it.
   If things are never going to change between you and that person, and the hurt will always be there, then leave.  For your own safety and sanity, get out now, before you end up permanently in a bad situation. 
    Also I have learned to rely on my own instincts and beliefs, you are wise, and you know what is right for you, just don't be afraid to admit it.  Have the conversations you aren't "supposed to have", say the things you aren't "supposed to say" if that is truly how you feel.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Because in the end, being honest with yourself and that person will serve you far greater than putting yourself in an emotionally devastating situation.
     So where does that leave me now? I'm glad you asked.  That leaves me, starting over when it comes to finding someone.  Learning my self-worth isn't determined by someone else, and learning to work on being patient.  I may not find that perfect person just yet, if ever, and that is something I have to be okay with too.  Learning to love yourself, and that being enough, is something that I think every person, single or not, gay or straight, should learn to work on.  You have to love yourself for the person you are, without being a cocky jerk, and realize that in the end, you may be all that you will ever have.  And if you can't live with yourself, who can you live with?

So now I'm growing and moving forward, trying to make amends, and trying to find out just what the future holds.  It may not be an easy journey, but it promises to be one great ride.  And hopefully, I will have some of you still there with me, every step of the way.

And as always, sleep well, love one another, and remember: Life is a choice, choose wisely.

Much Love,

B

Lessons Learned

   So today I got in the car, and drove 4 hours away to see my best friend for the weekend.  And at one point I was literally driving through East Jesus, Nowhere, and I had a lot of time to think about things.  Which is sometimes awesome, and sometimes a terrible mistake, luckily this time it was a good thing.
  I started thinking about all the things I've learned since starting college.  Some are small and insignificant, some have drastically changed me in a good way and some have had the opposite effect.
So I'm just going to do this the easy way, by a good old fashioned list:
1. Those little things your parents used to nag you about, and you thought were pointless, are probably some of the best advice you'll ever get.
2. Just because you think someone is a good person, doesn't mean they are good for you.
3. Being involved is a good thing, but make sure you pick a place that fully accepts you for what you are, and who you do.  Compromising yourself or your beliefs for an organization is the WORST mistake you'll ever make.
4.  Listen to your friends. Don't take everything they say to heart, but honestly my friends have given me some of the best advice ever, and are completely honest with me.
5. Which leads to this: Surround yourself with people who will tell you what you need to hear not just what you want. Feeding your own ego and delusions (which we all have from time to time) will not benefit you in the least.
6.  The last lesson for now:  Learn to love yourself.  I just recently learned this myself.  You are only as smart, as good looking, as funny, as anything, as YOU think you are.  Don't get cocky, but be realistic without being critical. If you have a little pudge, know it, but don't think it makes you a whale, it doesn't.  If you aren't the smartest person, admit it to yourself, but don't hate yourself for it.  Just be you, because you are wonderful, well most of you are, some of you just suck, but hey it happens.

And as always, sleep well, love one another, and remember: Life is a choice, choose wisely.