Knowing you don't know, is the hardest thing.

So as the title implies, this post is going to be about the fact that I'm dealing with the realization that I don't know. I don't know all the answers, I don't have a solution to the problem, I don't have a way around the danger, away from the conflict or even just to a place of calm.  Right now, today, at this moment, I am officially proclaiming it  "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS." There, I said it. I feel better, what about you?

So I'm sure you're now wondering, has he lost his mind?  Well actually no, this new proclamation comes from the fact that recently I've been dealing with the concept of not having control of every situation.  My entire life I have been the one to take control of a situation and know exactly how to fix the problem and make everyone happy, that is no longer the case.  I'm learning that not everything is as black and white as I would like to make it, and that's just frustrating for me.

I don't see things in shades of gray usually, it is either right or wrong, good or bad, smart or idiotic, there is no half way point, or kind of in my universe, but recently that concept has been shattered and replaced with the constant reminder that there is not always an absolute. 

So what exactly am I referring to?
1. Relationships- they are definitely not always what you think, feelings are your own, and trying to guess anyone's emotions, other than your own, is like trying to guess the number of stars in the sky, or idiots in politics, it's just too difficult. 

2. Friendships- Are not always, we are good friends, we are not , they can be complicated. VERY complicated. And if you think the friend and the friendship itself is worth it, you are going to have to be prepared to work for it, and to face some tough truths.

3.  Family-  is an abstract concept, the people who gave birth to you, are not always your family.  The people you choose to claim as family are the ones who are there for you, throughout everything you may face.  If the people you choose to call family, and the ones who are related to you are the same, well you are a very lucky person.  And I must say, this is not the same as the pre-pubescent calling one another brother and sister, this is the understanding that the ones who will be there for you absolutely not matter what, may not be blood connected to you at all.

4. Honesty- Is different for every person.  I HATE lying and liars, but I'm learning that some people honestly have good intentions for lying, but it doesn't make the lie any less painful or upsetting. 

So, now it's a matter of realizing I'm caught in the stereotypical "college mindset" of trying to establish myself, and who I want to continue in my life.  So this is going to be fun...hope the rest of you have an easier time navigating it, than I have lately, that's for sure.

I think that's it for now.  I'm sure as life takes more twists and turns, so too will my opinions on any and everything. 

Well much love, and as always, sleep well, love one another and remember, life is a choice, choose wisely.

With love,

B.