So dear reader(s),
It has been far far too long since I wrote something on here, and I can honestly say I have no excuse. But here's the update.
1. I'm now down 60 pounds instead of 30. And not because of heartbreak really. A lot of this has been because I purely don't have time to eat large portions (thank you Theatre)
2. I'm done. With the situation that was fueling a lot of what I was writing for and about. My ex and I are over, as friends, as lovers, as enemies, as whatever. We are done. I finally realized that person was not healthy in my life, so I said enough is enough, and walked away. It has been over a month since I have spoken to this person, or seen them. And I plan to keep it that way. I stopped having feelings for him a while ago, but I thought friendship was possible. I fought with all I had to make it possible, and it just didn't happen. So I decided to move on.
3. In moving on, I have met some incredible people. First there was Chuck Hudson, who is the guest director SFA brought in to direct A Midsummer Night's Dream. I was his assistant director, and it was an amazing experience. I learned so much from him about working in the theatre and what being a director was really all about. He has become a mentor and friend and I'm very honored to have been given the chance to work with him.
The next amazing group of people I met were all the freshman who worked on Midsummer, I knew most of the cast already, but getting to work with this group was pretty phenomenal. They were a hard working group of actors and the entire cast came together to create something beautiful and wonderful.
I was delighted and proud to work with every single individual on that show.
Next was someone who shall remain nameless, (somethings must stay private you know), He was much older and helped me realize a lot about myself and what I really am and want. It was one of those moments that at the time was so bizarre, but in hindsight you look back and go "Thank you for the new perspective." Because that's exactly what you needed.
4. So where do I stand now? I'm glad you asked. I'm in a place of beautiful transition. I'm much healthier and happier than I've been in the past year. I'm looking back at things as memories not tortures. Everything that happened just showed me who I am and what I stand for. I learned a few very important things about myself:
A. I will fight harder for the people I care about than anything in the world.
B. I will give all that I have to give, and when I'm out, I'm out.
C. I will do anything for the people I love, until it becomes one-sided.
D. I am happier just being myself, flaws and all, than trying to change anything to make someone love me the way I want them to.
E. If you will shut up for just a second, and let the world work the way it's supposed to, you will see that things are inherently good, and capable of getting better. But don't be complacent, you create the good of your world. You will never accomplish anything if you don't try.
5. So I realize this blog has been on a tangent of sorts. Which is fine with me. But I'm sure those of you who might have read and followed along my journey of awkwardness through heartbreak and back are wondering, how do I feel now? Here's the answer:
I am figuring things out, one day at a time. I have talked to, and dated, and wondered and nothing has fit just yet. I'm getting to know someone now, who seems like a pretty great person. And we will just have to see where things go. :)
Thank you all for keeping on the journey with me. I will continue to update this blog, but from now on, it will not be of heartbreak and longing. Those days are over, for now. I know they may come back, but honestly, if they do, I have the tools to handle them now. Tools I only could have gained through facing all the pain I did.
Find the happiness you deserve, because in the end; the world you inhabit, is the one you create.
With all my love,
B
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