Today I saw him. THE HIM. The one who has been a focal point of so much of what I have felt and written and thought, and dreamed and all of that. He has haunted my mind and my heart. And I have seen him during last semester driving and I was pretty okay, but today when I saw him in his car, I broke. Again.
I got on fb, the instigator of the world's problems, and I asked his ex if she had seen him over christmas, she said no, but that they had talked. I began to vent to her what I was feeling, and she was honest with me about yet again some other things he had lied about. I find myself now as i'm writing this, questioning so much. She said to me, "I think he was just worried about your feelings." And I said "Why do you say that?" To which she retorted "you were his friend,yo!"
She then answered a question I've been wanting to know for a VERY long time. One that I was lied to about over and over and over and over. And I've been advised to not know the answer, but for me, I think knowing it just kind of settled things for me. I realized he and I will not be friends ever again, because even when he told me the "truth" it was a half truth or just another life. I am letting it go. I have had enough. I've said this before, but this time I mean it. I think the door has finally closed on it and on him. We will see, but now I have more closure at least.
Thanks,
B
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